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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Letters of reference wanted

Howdy friends and neighbors. Helene has applied for a job with the Census Bureau. They are asking for multiple references letters and we are having some trouble finding folks. As the summer season is upon us many of Helene’s former colleagues in the education community are unavailable due to brewery and winery tours, secessions of scream therapy and enforced isolation in wilderness places while they commune with silence. If you could help us out we would be grateful. The following is my letter to give you an idea how to proceed.
Dear Sir,
It is my great honor to write a letter of recommendation for Helene Burnett. I first met Helene when she saved my life on my first trip to Africa. While ferrying a Grumman Agcat to a rubber plantation in the Congo the engine went out and I was forced to bail out.
As fate would have it the Clearing I came down next to was a Pygmy village. As I hung in my parachute harness the excited tribesmen gathered below me. It was clear my situation had only become worse as villagers began to show up with an assortment of blowguns, spears, machetes and several struggled in with a large iron pot. I thought all was lost when a cry went up I later learned translated to “Cool it! The teacher is coming!”
At that moment a hansom but stern looking woman, carrying a yard stick, walked into the village square. When she asked what was going on a babble broke out until she held her hand up for silence. She then asked the Chief and was told the God’s had delivered me for dinner!
Helene, who was on a combination mental health break and teacher exchange, told the Chief that was unacceptable. The menu for the night called for water buffalo stew and sweet potatoes. “And”, she added glairing at the group standing with their backs to the cooking pot in an attempt to hide it, “Had they not talked about eating people?!”
The Chief wailed they were tired of water buffalo, and added quickly that my plane had broken the jungle when it crashed!
Helene insisted the jungle would be fine and ask “What is this going to cost?”
This set off a frenzy of bargaining. In the end my freedom was purchased for a carton of unfiltered Camels and a pair of Yellow Latex dish washing gloves the Chief still wears to formal occasions.
In the years since I have come to know Helene as an able and resourceful companion, a loyal and loving friend and a tireless and competent team mate. I can not imagine a project or undertaking she would not be an asset to.

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