Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all throught the house
Was the sound of the gnawing
Of the resident mouse.

One cat in my armpit,
And three on my lap,
Bon-Bon's in the towel stack,
Taking a nap.

The cats will eat Iams
And swill down the cream.
Catch a rogue house mouse?
You're having a dream!

The porch cats are restless,
The weather is cold,
Striped faces at windows;
"We'll get it," we're told.

"Just open the door, Mom,"
"We'll catch it real quick."
Don't buy it one second;
You know it's a trick.

I've made them a warm tent
With a blanket and chair.
Their outside cat manners
Are hard to forbear.

Five cats in the house
Are enough here for me.
The ones living outside
Don't care where they pee.

I don't care for mopping
The stains left by Kitty.
Boat peed on my lap!
She went out with no pity.

Each time we go outside
Peppy bolts through the door.
We throw her out each time.
This process -- a bore.

Bless Wally the tomcat,
For he knows his place.
Scratch 'round his ears;
There's a smile on his face.

Both in and out Kitties
Are well-fed and dry.
Fillet of fresh mouse
Is a dish they won't try.

I heard mousie exclaim
As she dove out of sight,
"I love living with fat cats
Merry Christmas; good night!"