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Saturday, December 4, 2010

Gifts Worth Giving

Think of some of the favorite annoying toys you received from grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Was there a hidden message to your parents?

Toy flyers and catalogs stuff your mailbox while holiday commercials on TV blare in the air. Make this holiday season the best ever for children by buying toys, but consider the most important question of the season: What is your motivation for giving this gift?

Ah, motivation! Is this gift a pure expression of your delight in and love for the child, or is there a hidden agenda included?

One year my fourth grade class had driven me crazy the first semester, so I bought the loudest slide whistles I could find. My husband handed one to each child as they left for Christmas Break. I had “plausible deniability”.  I gave candy; he gave the whistles! Smiling, I tracked their progress home by the screeching and wailing through the neighborhood. I hope their folks enjoyed the chilling sounds of fingernails on a chalkboard sliding up and down the scale! Those gaudy plastic whistles were one of the finest inspirations I had as a teacher. Revenge cloaked in holiday colors!

Perhaps your own children have done something incredibly stellar in their childhood causing angst reflected in the grey hairs on your head. Remember the old adage: “Revenge is a dish best served cold?” Now’s the opportunity to get some of yours back!

Why choose a computer game sure to keep the child in question quietly absorbed for hours? Get something exciting with flashing lights and sirens! Nothing says love like a full drum kit, without batteries to remove to quell the noise. A cordless microphone would encourage the child to exercise their natural talents in singing or oration! Please use your innate craftiness; give these presents at their house, not yours. You know why!

Remember, when giving loud, thrilling gifts with hidden meaning, slip the child some extra batteries on the sly … just in case the ones included disappear! Planning ahead during the holiday season is critical, after all.


  1. Greetings from Falls County,
    When we were kids living in Nevada the Grandparents still in Texas were always after my folks to come home for Christmas. They followed your plan.
    Christmas in Nevada was full of loud electronic toys or musical instrements.

    When we went home to the Texas Panhandle, then we had books and puzzles, and things to be played with outside. Thinking back on it I feel I studied at the feet of masters.

  2. Actually I think I may have followed their plan!